


Blackmail

by jesuiscalmedammit



Category: Sicario (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22035442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuiscalmedammit/pseuds/jesuiscalmedammit
Summary: You didn't want to work for Matt but he didn't really give you much choice. Steve tried to help you get used to what they were doing but in the end it was Alejandro who convinced you to play nice. Eventually the two of you got close. Really close. But then he went rogue and there you were, having no choice but to let him go.
Relationships: Alejandro Gillick/Matt Graver/Original Female Character(s), Alejandro Gillick/Original Female Character(s), Alejandro Gillick/Reader, Alejandro Gillick/Reader/Matt Graver, Matt Graver/Original Female Character(s), Matt Graver/Reader, Matt Graver/Reader/Alejandro Gillick
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	1. Frustration

**Author's Note:**

> It was originally posted on Tumblr: first on @queenmarcelinesimagines but then I moved to a new one aka @jesuiscalmedammit.

The sounds of two people arguing loudly and in a rather dramatic manner could be heard from the next room, the words becoming clearer as you reached the door. Alejandro didn’t have to look up from the screen of his phone to know it was, once again, you and Matt who found yet another thing to yell at each other about.

“–never told me about this!” he heard your voice when the two of you entered the area where he was.

Matt let out a laugh as he ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “What the hell did you think I wanted you here for?”

“But you never said you wanted me out on the field with you!”

“I told you we needed someone who could stabilize a patient under massive pressure and on the spot before they could be transported to a hospital.”

Now it was your turn to laugh. “Surgeons are often under massive pressure, Graver, and I thought you had like a base or something where I can–”

“It’s not my problem that you forgot to ask for details!” Matt interrupted you. “You’re coming with us tomorrow and that’s an order!”

“But what if something happens to us? I wasn’t trained for that!”

“We’ll be there to protect you, don’t worry about this,” he assured you with a groan as he began to walk away.

Shaking your head you watched him reach the door. This guy was a joke. “You know, it would be much easier to take you seriously if you weren’t wearing flip-flops!” you yelled after him.

“Screw you!”

He didn’t even turn around as he said these words and the heavy door of the old factory building you used as your temporary base closed behind him in a matter of seconds. At least he was gone. Talking to him was mentally exhausting so you truly hoped you wouldn’t have to see him again until the next day. Letting out a sigh, you reached for your phone that was safely tucked into the back pocket of your jeans to see if you’d missed anything.

“What’s going on between the two of you?”

“Jesus! You scared the hell out of me,” you told Alejandro once you got a hold of the phone you almost dropped then turned to look at the man who was sitting on a chair not far from you. “Answering your question, nothing. He’s been getting on my nerves ever since I got here.”

He furrowed his eyebrows as he glanced at you. “Then why are you still here?”

“I don’t really have much choice,” you replied with a shrug. "I mean, with my background it could be hard to find a job and since this opportunity came along… You know.”

“So how exactly did you end up working for them?”

Biting your lower lip you sat on a chair next to him, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your knee as you thought about what to say. “I saved the life of someone who was on Matt’s team and one of the doctors mentioned him how the guy was lucky that I was the one performing the surgery. Then my little problem with cocaine was discovered by my boss and I almost lost my license.”

“Are you clean now?” Alejandro asked as he put away his phone with a concerned look on his face.

It didn’t surprise you and you couldn’t really blame him, after all having a junkie on this team could be dangerous for all of them, especially if the said person was also their only doctor. Clearing your throat, you nodded. “I am. I lost my job and after that I decided to get help. Once I came out of rehab Matt came to see me to offer a place on his team. He wanted to have a surgeon around, someone who could keep his men alive if they got injured.”

“Well, after your first week here I guess he already regrets his choice,” he noted with a small smile.

“Yeah, I think it’s clear we can’t exist in the same room without yelling at each other.”

But he didn’t stop there. “You sound like a married couple in the middle of a nasty divorce.”

“Someone said the two of us should have sex because we’re clearly sexually frustrated. Fucking morons,” you added quietly, shaking your head. “But the two of you are friends, right? You could’ve just asked him.”

“Considering your current relationship I thought I should hear your side of the story as well.”

“That’s a wise idea.”

For long seconds he remained silent and you wondered what it was all about. Was he trying to tell you something? Then you got your answer when he finally spoke up. “Do you know why you’re here?”

“Yeah, like I’ve said before, I’m here to go wherever the team goes and make sure the injured members are stabilized before they are transported to a hospital,” you replied with a confused look on your face.

Alejandro shook his head. “Maybe you should ask Matt for the details.”

“What is it that I don’t know?”

“Ask him,” he told you.

Without hesitation you jumped up and went after the CIA agent. “Graver!” you called out his name the moment you stepped out of the door. He was talking to someone in the parking lot but immediately turned to look at you.

“What do you want now?” he asked with an annoyed groan.

“Why am I really here?” He gave you a questioning look. “Come on, I know it’s not just about keeping the members of your team alive.”

His eyes narrowed when he heard you say these words. “Who told you this?”

“So is it true then? I need to know what’s going on.”

For a second he looked over at the man on his side then put up his hand. “Fuck, fine. But we’re not discussing it here in the parking lot.” He grabbed your arm and began to drag you towards the door to get back inside the building. Once the door closed, Matt clapped his hands then gave out a clear order to his team. “Alright, everyone, I need you all to leave now!”

The people began to walk out the door and Alejandro was the last to leave, giving his friend a meaningful look on the way out. Whatever it was all about, Matt clearly got the message since he shook his head in response.

“I’m listening,” you said as you pulled a chair closer and sat down.

“There are times when we need to get information out of certain people,” he began to explain as he leaned against a table. “To be more efficient, we need a doctor’s help.”

“Wait, you want me to assist in torture?” Matt nodded without hesitation. “No. Being the medical supervisor of torture goes against everything I believe in. I pledged to do no harm, Graver!”

Suddenly he walked over to you and leaned down to be face to face with you. “Well, you have no choice, Y/N,” he informed you almost threateningly. “When they found out about your little problem with cocaine they wanted to take away your license but I made a call to stop them. I can just as well call them to make sure you can never be a doctor again.”

“Is this really how you want to play this game?”

“You know, I knew I wanted you on the team after I’d talked to your boss. I only had to find a way to make you join us,” he added with a menacing smile.

As you thought about what he’d just said, things suddenly began to make sense. “You were the one who told him about my addiction,” you whispered quietly.

His brown eyes didn’t leave yours as he nodded. “It worked better than I’d expected to be honest.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you yelled as you pushed him away and stood up.

“Oh, please, relax. I know you can be just as cold hearted as we are and you might as well have a little God complex like some other surgeons,” he told you with a shrug. “You’re perfect for this job. I bet after the first few times you’ll enjoy coming up with new ideas to improve our methods.”

You shook your head right away. “Never,” you stated defiantly.

Matt only laughed at you. “We’ll see about that.”

Not forcing this conversation to go on, you immediately stormed out of the building to clear your head a bit. You had to be away from this place, from _him_ , and all this mess he’d caused. And now you knew you couldn’t even leave because he could end your career with one phone call. Considering how much the two of you already hated each other, you began to wonder if things could get even worse after this.

“You okay?” Alejandro asked as he walked over to you.

“You’ve been out here the whole time?”

He nodded. “I wanted to see if you needed someone to talk to about it.”

“No, I don’t,” you quickly replied before adding, “I just need a drink.”

“Can I join you?”

You glanced over at him with a doubtful look in your eye. But even though they were friends with Matt, he still gave you that tip to ask him about why you were really on the team. Maybe this was a sign that he was better than him. In the end, you let out a sigh and shrugged. “Sure, just don’t talk to me.”


	2. Trauma

You had already suspected by now that Graver was out of his mind but after what he did earlier that day your theory was finally confirmed. Apparently he was completely serious about the interrogations and for the first time in your life you had the luxury of witnessing one with your own eyes. At one point you turned around to leave but he grabbed you by the arm and dragged you right back to stand next to him and Steve while Alejandro did his job.

In order to erase these new, unwanted memories you headed to a nearby bar that evening, hoping that having a few drinks could ease the pain. But it wasn’t just pain you felt. The whole scene drained you both physically and emotionally and now the best you could do was raising your glass every now and then while you were staring ahead.

“Hey,” a familiar voice said behind you. When you turned to look at the newcomer, you realized it was Steve who sat on the empty barstool next to you. “Wow, you look like shit,” he added with a short laugh.

You shrugged in response. “Believe me, I feel like that too. How often does this happen?”

“Not that often, don’t worry,” he assured you, talking about the interrogation. “Usually it’s enough if they have a little chat with them and maybe throw in a few threats. But I’ll be honest: sometimes even I don’t feel like being present when they do it this way.”

“I don’t think I could ever get used to these things. I know Graver believes I will eventually but now it just seems impossible.”

Steve took a swig of his beer as he watched you. “Maybe you only need some time to understand why we do what we do,” he noted after a minute or so.

“It doesn’t matter why you do this because I don’t see the point of torture to begin with,” you informed him with a roll of your eyes.

“We’ve already seen what the cartels are capable of doing, Y/N. We deal with that shit every day. Believe me when I say torture is actually pretty gentle compared to what they do to their enemies.”

Then suddenly this whole situation made you think and you were sure Steve didn’t show up in the same bar you were in by total accident. There had to be a reason why he came here. “Did Graver send you here to change my mind?”

“What? No. I’m actually here to meet someone else,” he began as he turned around and pointed at a brunette who sat by a table all by herself, “but since I saw you sitting here, I thought I should come and see how you were.”

“Thank you, that’s nice,” you told him with an apologetic smile.

“Well, now you know that I’m a really nice person.” Silence fell between the two of you and he quickly understood why you didn’t say anything. “Look, the best you can do now is forgetting about what happened. Finish your drink then go home to get some sleep.”

“I’ll give it a shot,” you said as he stood up and reassuringly put a hand on your shoulder. “Have fun, Steve.”

“Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

Once you were left alone again, you began to focus on your fingertip which circled around the edge of the glass. It was relaxing and soon you could think clearly about your situation. You had to leave. Of course you had a lot to lose thanks to Graver but it was still better than staying on his team.

With a small smile on your face you ordered another round and waited patiently for your drink. But that smile disappeared the moment another familiar man sat down next to you. As you turned to look at him you let out an irritated groan.

“Steve originally came here to see someone else. What’s your excuse?” you asked Alejandro with a malicious smile.

Now that you knew perfectly well what he was capable of doing the last thing you wanted was talking to him. It didn’t matter how nice he had been to you just two days ago after one of your big fights with Graver because all you could think about now was the way he hurt that man.

“I’m sorry?”

“Why are you here?”

Alejandro let out a long sigh as he watched you. “After seeing your reaction back there I assumed you might want to talk about what happened,” he finally told you, and you could tell he was telling the truth.

“I don’t want to talk about it,“ you quickly replied as you finished your drink. "I want to forget it.”

“But you’ll have to do it again eventually.”

You let out a short laugh upon hearing his words. “Not if I quit,” you pointed out. “I’d rather lose my license than go through this hell one more time.”

Suddenly he stood up and looked down at you with a serious expression on his face. “Come on, let’s leave. I need to talk to you somewhere private.”

The way he was watching you rang the alarm in your head. This guy was an assassin. Who knew what he wanted to do to you? What if Graver told him to kill you if you decided to leave after what happened?

“About what?” you asked cautiously.

“You’ll find out.”

In the end you cleared your throat and quickly paid for your drinks before following him towards the exit. On the way you agreed to go to your room at the motel to talk, and after that the rest of the ride passed in complete silence.

Every now and then you looked over at him and wondered what this was all about. He didn’t look threatening at all, if anything, he looked like someone who really just wanted to help you get over this small trauma. Small… If you can call seeing someone be tortured a _small_ trauma, that is.

Once the door of your motel room closed behind you, Alejandro sat on the edge of the bed and pointed at the empty space next to him to make you sit down as well. “Do you know why we do this?” he asked you with his head slightly tilted to the side as he watched you with his warm brown eyes.

“Steve tried to justify it by saying the cartels do much worse things.”

“He’s right.”

You shook your head in response. “But it’s none of _my_ business,” you pointed out.

“Listen, all we need you to do is helping injured people.”

“You two made me watch as you tortured that guy today!” you snapped at him.

For one quick moment it seemed like a hurt look crossed his eyes but it disappeared just as fast as it had appeared. “That was Matt’s decision, not mine,” he said eventually.

“He’s sick. He should’ve just called me in after you were done.”

“You need to get used to what we do.”

“No, I don’t.”

Alejandro let out a sigh as he looked up at the ceiling for a second. “Do you know why I’m doing this? What happened to my family?” You shook your head in response. “I used to be a prosecutor. I believed that by doing my job I could help the fight against cartels. But one day one of the cartels got revenge on me by kidnapping and murdering my wife and daughter. Working for Matt gives me the chance to get to those responsible for their deaths.”

“Great, so a man of law became an assassin to solve his problem. Why not?” you asked with a desperate laugh.

“This isn’t funny,” he said darkly.

“I know it’s not, I was incredibly rude, and I’m honestly sorry for your loss, but what do you expect me to say?” you asked with raised eyebrows. “That now I finally understand everything and hurting people to get information is totally okay? Because it’s not.”

After that he remained silent and you couldn’t help but think about what he would do or say next. Did you offend him with that comment? It wouldn’t have surprised you if he was now mad at you. It was more than rude of you to say something like that after all.

But in the end he looked back at you and let out a long sigh. “We need you on the team.”

“I’m pretty sure you can find another doctor in no time.”

“You’re here because Matt saw something in you. I’m sure he wouldn’t want another doctor.”

“Why are you doing this?” you asked with a confused look on your face. “Why are you trying to convince me to stay?”

He watched you in silence once again and you had to admit that this man was a mystery to you. He was an assassin, you saw how far he was willing to go to get what he wanted, yet now he was looking at you with this strange look in his eyes. It was almost…. comforting. “I don’t know,” he admitted eventually.

Letting out a humming sound, you nodded. “Well, that was a surprisingly honest answer,” you said quietly.

“Wait a few days or weeks before you make your final decision. If your opinion doesn’t change, you can at least tell Matt you tried.”

He had a point, you had to admit that. “Maybe I can survive a couple of days before I finally leave this mess.”

“Get some sleep,” he told you gently as he stood up and looked down at you. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” you then and watched him leave, wondering how he could be this understanding and also ruthless at the same time.


	3. Black Widow

“Just make sure you inject it between his toes,” you told him before putting the set of syringes back on the table. “It’s easy to overlook that place during an autopsy.”

Alejandro slid his hands in the pockets of his black pants as he looked down at you. It just went on like this for long seconds, with the two of you keeping eye contact without saying a word. These looks had been more and more frequent lately, but you still had no idea what they really meant–if they meant anything, that is.

After a while you tore your gaze away and pulled out your phone to take a look at the notifications. You quickly typed your reply to a message then you put into back in your pocket. Letting out a sigh you began to walk away but had to come to a halt after a few steps because you lost your balance for a second. You had been so busy lately that you hadn’t eaten in a day. No wonder you were dizzy.

He was quickly by your side, putting an arm around your waist as he escorted you back to the table, so you could lean against it. “Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you replied with a nervous laugh. “Just a little tired and dizzy, that’s all.”

“Are you sleeping enough?”

“Oh, you’re worried about me?”

As he took a step away from you, Alejandro folded his arms over his chest defensively, but his eyes still set on you. “I just don’t want our doctor to be sick,” he stated a matter-of-factly.

“Well, that’s nice of you,” you told him with a small smile.

By then you’d been working with Matt for almost a year and as a result you met the assassin on several different occasions before. Every time he was around he began to function like some sort of a lightning rod between you and your boss, temporarily taking the role from Steve who was the one that usually got stuck in the middle.

Before you could say anything, though, Matt showed up and clapped his hands as he walked over to you. “What are you two up to?” he asked with a wide grin the moment he stopped.

Reaching back to pick up the set of syringes from the table, you said, “I gave Alejandro some black widow spider venom.”

“What for?”

“What do you think?” you asked with a roll of your eyes.

Matt took a syringe from you and took a closer look at it. “I thought their venom wasn’t deadly. Not always, that is.”

“If a spider bites a healthy adult, it’s usually not deadly,” you verified with a nod, “though it’s better if they seek medical help. But we’re not using a real spider, only its venom, so you can use as much of it as you like.”

“Do you have the antidote as well?” he asked as he gave you back the syringe.

“Sure. I took care of everything.”

His attention turned to his friend as he said, “And you know how to use it now?”

Alejandro nodded. “Yes, she told me what to do.”

“I thought you might want to try something new,” you suddenly spoke up after you put the set back on the table behind you and turned to look at the two men with your arms crossed over your chest. “It’s not a bullet in the head but it’s just as deadly. All you need to do is giving them more and more of it.”

“You have one fucked up mind, Y/N,” Matt noted with a devilish smile.

“I was getting bored,” you replied with a shrug.

In the past months you’d realized that Matt and Steve were right in the beginning. The more you learned about why they did what they did, the more you saw with your own eyes from what the cartels did, the more comfortable you got with their methods. Every now and then you wondered if you were slowly turning into some kind of a monster, but you usually let go of that thought quite quickly.

“I can entertain you if you need company.”

“Thanks, I’m fine. You’d be the last person I’d go to.”

Matt moved closer to stand right in front of you, intentionally invading your personal space as he quietly said, “Oh, come on, based on our usual fights I think one day you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”

“You might be right.” At this Matt raised an eyebrow for a split second, clearly surprised to hear this answer from you. “I mean, I have a theory about how this situation between us will be solved one day.”

“I’m all ears.”

“We either have some extremely rough hate sex or one of us kills the other,” you explained, poking his chest with your finger. “There’s no in between.”

Suddenly he reached out to sweep a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning even closer as he began to speak. “Like I said, my room’s always open if you’re interested.”

“You know how women prefer using poison to murder someone, right?” you asked as you grabbed his wrist and slowly pushed away his hand with your fingernails digging deep into his skin. “I may or may not have more of this poison, so if I were you, I would watch my back.”

“Feisty,” Matt said with a laugh before he turned to the assassin who still stood on your right. “You heard the lady, Alejandro. Be careful because she might poison you too.”

The pair of you watched as he walked away in silence and the moment he got out of sight you cleared your throat and once again pulled out your phone to see if there were any new notifications. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed the way Alejandro was looking at you and it made you uneasy.

In the end he let out a long sigh and spoke up. “Why can’t you two at least try to get along?”

“I tried and failed. It’s much more fun to get on his nerves,” you replied with a shrug, trying hard to fight back a smile. “Also I’m pretty sure he’s only trying to annoy me by saying things like his room’s always open, so we’re kinda even.” He didn’t say anything so you cleared your throat and asked, “Hey, don’t you wanna come over for a drink? I’m bored and I have no plans for tonight.”

For long moments he thought about your invitation but in the end he said, “Well, I have nothing better to do.”

Neither of you spoke on the way to the motel you all stayed in, but you didn’t mind it to be honest. Sometimes he looked over at you as if he was about to ask you something, but he never said a word, only returned his attention to the road. You were quite sure he knew perfectly well why you asked him to come over. Not like that thought bothered you. You were both adults. He could decide if he wanted anything from you or not.

Once in your room, you quickly moved over to a duffel bag you kept in a corner, taking out a bottle of red wine and a beer from it. “They’re not cold, but they’re still better than nothing,” you told him with an apologetic smile. “Which one would you prefer?”

“Neither. Just come here.” Without asking questions you put the bottles on the table and did as you were told. When you stopped in front of him, Alejandro quickly put his hands on your waist as he looked down at you, a small, barely visible forming on his lips. “You thought I didn’t know why you wanted me to come over?” he asked with a frown.

“I knew you would figure it out,” you admitted with a flirtatious smile.

Your heart was racing as you waited for his next move, after all you still weren’t entirely sure how he felt about this situation. But then he leaned down to kiss you and you couldn’t help but smile at this. The scary, intimidating assassin turned out to be an amazing kisser who could make you weak in the knees with a single touch. When you pulled away for a few seconds you loosened his dark red tie and took it off, only to put it around your own neck instead.

“It looks good on you,” he noted, smiling down at you.

You’d known him for a while by now but you couldn’t recall ever seeing such a genuine smile on his lips. But something was still bothering you and ever since this little thought appeared, you just couldn’t push it away. You couldn’t even look him in the eye because of it so you focused on the window behind him instead. 

Alejandro clearly noticed it and placed his palm on the side of your neck to get your attention, successfully snapping you out of your thoughts. “What is it?”

“I know it was my idea but… are you sure you want to do this?” you asked hesitantly, finally looking back up at him.

“What makes you think I don’t want it?”

You cleared your throat and reached for his left hand. “Your ring,” you then replied quietly.

“Just forget about it,” he said before he kissed you again. “Let’s focus on getting you out of these clothes.”

“Now you’re talking.”


	4. No competition

“Kate, what–” The FBI agent stormed into your room without waiting for an invitation and you were left standing in the door, looking at the spot where she’d been only a second ago. “Sure, come in,” you noted with a roll of your eyes as you closed the door, then turned to look at her.

Kate put a hand on her hip as she ran the other through her hair and only then did you notice the bruise around her right eye. “Did you know that your boyfriend is working for the Colombians?” she suddenly asked.

You let out a long sigh after hearing this. “I did.”

“And you’re still okay with dating him?”

“How long have we known each other? Two or three days? My private life is none of your business,” you informed her, hoping she would understand she had no right to ask you such questions. But then something began to bother you about the situation. Something wasn’t right. “How do you even know about this?”

“I saw something and Matt told me everything.”

“Did he tell you what happened to Alejando’s family?” you asked after you leaned against the wall across from her.

At first Kate was only staring at you, hesitant about what to reply to this question. In the end she nodded and said, “That doesn’t make things right, though. What Matt, Alejandro and everybody else on that team do is illegal!”

You pinched the bridge of your nose as you let out a small laugh. “And what are you gonna do about it?”

“I’m going to tell everyone what they did,” she informed you defiantly.

“You won’t. You can’t,” you pointed out with narrowed eyes.

Now it was Kate’s turn to laugh, this time in desperation. “Or what? They will kill me?”

After quickly thinking about it, you came to the conclusion that even you had no idea what would happen to her. Knowing Matt and his methods there was a very, very small chance that they would really get rid of her if she became too much trouble, but at the same time you knew it would’ve been a far too radical solution.

To change the topic, you cleared your throat and folded your arms over your chest. “Why are you really here?” you asked, hoping she would finally get to the point.

“Honestly, I don’t know anymore. I thought you were different. You’re a doctor, you don’t run around with guns.” Kate stopped because she noticed the way you raised your eyebrow upon hearing her words. “But you’re clearly okay with this,” she then added with an exasperated sigh.

Deep inside you knew she was partly right. In the beginning you had thought the same way, believing that as a doctor you shouldn’t assist to using such methods. But things have changed and after a while they all helped you see the greater picture. “I’ve just spent enough time around Matt to understand that he’s right,” you eventually admitted. “Having only one cartel overlooking the drug trade is our best option.”

“No, it’s not.” The moment Kate understood she couldn’t change your mind, she put up her hands and turned to walk towards the door. “Fuck this.”

You watched her leave and stood still for a while even after the door closed behind her. This situation slightly reminded you of what you’d gone through during the first few weeks you spent with the team. It reminded you of all those vicious fights with Matt about their methods before Steve and Alejandro finally made you understand why this was important and necessary.

Letting out a sigh, you walked out of your room and went straight to the one below yours. After a minute or so spent with knocking, the door finally opened and Matt leaned against the doorframe with a tired look on his face.

“I was trying to sleep,” he told you as he fought back a yawn.

“So was I,” you informed your boss with a shrug, “until Kate showed up.”

This little detail made him frown at first but soon he let out an annoyed groan. “When was that?”

“She left a few minutes ago.”

“And what did she want?” he asked.

“Well, she asked me how I can date Alejandro knowing he works for the Colombians,” you began slowly before keeping a very short pause, “then she told me what you guys do is illegal and that she’s going to tell everyone about it.”

“Alejandro will take care of it tomorrow.” Suddenly Matt looked over at the watch he still had on his wrist and let out a humming sound. “Oh, right, today,” he corrected himself with one of his trademark boyish grins, as if everything was perfectly fine in the world.

Even after all this time, you still had trouble reading Matt’s body language every now and then. “You want her dead?” you asked cautiously.

“No, I just want her to sign a paper that says everything we did was legal. And we also need her to understand she can’t talk about this.”

“Hopefully she’ll get the message.”

Matt let out a heartfelt laugh. “You from all people should know how convincing Alejandro can be.” Before you could reply, he clapped his hands and took a step back, clearly ready to shut the door in your face. “Alright, let’s go back to sleep. I can’t wait to leave this place in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” you told him automatically before turning around to go back to your own room.

You couldn’t really sleep much, though, because all you could think about were the things Kate had told you before she left. Being on the team had really changed you but not for the better. These days you barely bat an eye when someone was tortured, in fact you often helped them out by giving the team new ideas. The more you thought about it, the clearer it became that you couldn’t keep doing this for long.

In the end you only got some proper sleep after you got home, to your real home, finally enjoying the comfort of your very own bed. After a few hours you moved out to the living room, curling up on one side of the couch as you watched some stupid soap opera. At least it could turn off your brain a little bit, helping you focus on something other than your newfound misery.

It was around eight when the doorbell rang and you immediately knew who it was. “Hey, stranger,” you told Alejandro who stood outside in the hallway. He didn’t tell you anything, so you stepped aside and let him in. “So Matt mentioned that you gave Kate a visit today,” you noted as the two of you reached the kitchen and he sat on one of the barstools.

Luckily he knew perfectly well why you’d mentioned this. “I did. But don’t worry, nothing happened. She signed the paper and finally understood she can’t talk about what happened.”

“Good.”

Without thinking you turned around to get a bottle of wine out of the fridge before reaching out to pick up two empty glasses as well. You could feel Alejandro’s eyes on you but for now it was for the better if you just ignored him. You knew him, and knew he would eventually talk when he believed it was time and he was ready.

“Alarcón is dead,” he suddenly spoke up, much sooner than you’d expected.

Once you filled the glasses, you slowly pushed one of them in front of him. “What’s the right thing to say in this situation? Congratulations?” you asked with raised eyebrows as you took a sip of your wine.

“Something like that, I believe,” he told you quietly, tapping his fingertips on the side of the glass.

“Did he at least remember what he had done to your wife and daughter?”

Alejandro hesitated for a moment before nodding. “He did.”

Silence fell between the two of you and you had no idea what to say to him. It was a complicated story, something that felt a little too personal for your liking. You knew it would’ve been the best if he talked about it, but you didn’t want to force him either.

“How does it feel?“ you asked after a while, earning a questioning look from him. "Getting your revenge, I mean.”

“It’s not… as cathartic as you’d expect it to be.”

“Maybe that’s because you know his death won’t bring them back,” you said quietly before clearing your throat. “But at least Alarcón paid for what he’d done to them.”

Alejandro nodded in agreement. “Yes, he did. Look, there’s something I’ve wanted to ask you for a while.” He stopped and clearly waited for your permission to go on. Once he got it, he asked, “Why are you so comfortable with talking about my wife and daughter?”

As you took a deep breath you walked around the kitchen island and stopped right in front of him. “Because I know they will always be the most important people in your life. But, and I’m terribly sorry for saying this, they’re gone. They’re no competition as long as you come back to me every time,” you explained.

He didn’t say anything and you had no idea what he was thinking about as he watched you carefully. The more time that passed in silence, the more anxious you became, and after a while you were beginning to think that you’d just screwed everything up for good with this answer of yours.

“Are you mad at me now?” you asked nervously.

“No, I’m not,” he quickly assured you as he stood up and buried his hand in your hair, resting his thumb on your cheek. For a few seconds he was only watching you, but then he finally leaned down to kiss you. “If anything, I’m glad you understand and accept this,” he told you as he rested his forehead against yours.

You couldn’t help but notice the sudden change in his behavior. “I love it when you smile,” you informed him with a short laugh. “It suits you.”

“I believe I only do this around you these days,” he admitted eventually.

“I’m honored.” After keeping a short pause you kissed him again, then pulled away just enough to have your lips hovering right above his. “I love you.”

He remained silent. Again. You instinctively took a few steps back, afraid of his reaction. But long seconds passed in silence and his expression still hadn’t changed so you had no idea what to expect.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you?” you asked after a while.

Alejandro let out a long sigh. “This is the second time you’ve asked me this in less than three minutes.”

“Yeah, but are you?”

“The answer is still no,” he told you with a small smile, reaching out to take your hand. Once he pulled you closer, he wrapped his arms around your waist. "We should do this the right way.”

“What are you talking about?”

He tilted his head to the side before kissing your forehead. “Us. I’m talking about us,” he replied. “We haven’t talked about what we wanted from this relationship.”

You couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I didn’t even think it was serious enough to be called a relationship,” you admitted.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said, surprising you with his words. “We just need to figure out how to handle this.”


	5. Vacation

“Are you sure you have to leave on Wednesday?” Alejandro asked as he stopped to kiss the top of your head.

You wanted to say no at first. Staying here in Colombia with him and spending time together as an average couple that even went on perfectly normal dates sounded like a much better idea. These days were the ones you sometimes valued more than the time you spent with your family. Visiting them was relatively easy, after all were always there. Visiting him, on the other hand, was quite difficult.

“Yeah, I haven’t seen my family in months and I promised to spend at least two days there,” you told him eventually, even though you weren’t too happy about it either. “And it was a surprise Matt gave me an entire week off to begin with. Who knows when this will happen again?”

“Does he know you’re here?” he suddenly asked as he gave you a questioning look.

“I didn’t tell him.”

Alejandro didn’t seem to care that you were standing on a busy street with people passing by because his hand sneaked around your waist so he could pull you a little closer. “You should quit,” he suggested quietly before kissing you so gently and lovingly that you almost melted on the spot.

Once you pulled away, your brain started to work properly again and you could finally think about what he’d just said. His words took you off guard and you had no idea what this short sentence was supposed to mean. Even if you could quit, what would you do? And why did he even want you to quit to begin with? “What?” you asked eventually, breaking the sudden silence that had fallen between the two of you.

“That would give you more time to be here,” Alejandro told you with a smile and a nonchalant shrug.

“So you want me to be here more often?”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind if you permanently stayed here. Spending time together with your schedule and mine is a logistical nightmare to stay the least.”

Your body froze when you finally began to put the pieces together and realized he’d just used the word _permanently_. It didn’t mean he wanted you to visit him in Bogotá every once in a while. No, this sounded serious. Surprisingly serious. “Wait, let me get this straight. Have you just asked me to move here?” you asked just to be sure.

“I have.” Long seconds passed without you saying a word and he clearly began to worry that he’d just said something he shouldn’t have. With his head slightly tilted to the side, he placed his palm on your cheek and leaned down to kiss your forehead. “You don’t like the idea?”

Without thinking you put your hand on top of his then stood on your toes to give him a proper kiss. “It’s not that, I love it,” you assured him. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. I mean, we don’t meet that often and I had no idea you thought this thing between us was serious enough for that.”

“Why wouldn’t I think it’s serious enough?”

Clearing your throat, you took a step away from him and folded your hands behind your back. Why? Great question. Yes, the two of you had already discussed that this was a relationship and you needed to figure out how to make it work, but living together? That was serious. And even though you once said his late wife and daughter were no competition, a part of you still believed he wasn’t entirely over them. In a casual relationship, it wouldn’t be a problem. In this case, on the other hand, you would probably feel like you were being suffocated by their ghosts all the time.

Finally Alejandro realized what was bothering you because he said, “Listen, I’ll always love and miss them but I moved on. You helped me move on. See?”

“Wait, where’s your ring?” you asked after he raised his left hand and you noticed what was missing. “I swear I saw it on you this morning.”

“I took it off. I think it’s time to put it away.”

“That’s… a really big step.”

“So is asking you to move in with me. And you’re a good doctor, who knows when I’ll need one.” With a laugh you tried to playfully punch his arm but he quickly caught your forearm and pulled you closer. “Come on, just say yes.”

“Let’s say I decide to move here. What are the chances of Matt will simply letting me go? With all the things I’ve seen while working with them,” you began, ending the sentence with a shrug.

Alejandro began to walk down the street again, his hand tightly wrapped around yours as he pulled you after him. “I’m sure he doesn’t expect you to work for them until the end of your life. And if he really doesn’t want to let you go, I’ll talk to him.”

“Oh, because that’s gonna work out just fine.”

“We’ll find a way. So does this mean you’ll move in with me?”

“I’m beginning to like the sound of it.”

“Good,” he said before he raised your hand to his mouth to kiss it. “You know, maybe I should go with you next week.”

You came to an abrupt halt and gave him a surprised look along with a wide smile on your lips. “To my family?”

“Why not? I’d like to meet them.”

As weird as it sounded at first, you soon began to like the idea. Your parents had always complained that they never meet your boyfriends and Alejandro was the type of man you would gladly introduce to them. He was charismatic and intelligent and polite–exactly what they were expecting. “Well, if you’re ready to answer the series of questions my dad will ask you then you’re more than welcome,” you noted with a short laugh.

“In case you’ve forgotten I used to be a prosecutor,” he pointed out as the two of you crossed the street. “Your father testing me with questions sounds like cross-examination and I think I’m very good at that.”

“Just don’t mention what you do now. Or the cartels. Or how your wife and daughter died. That would freak them out and they would think you’ll only get me in trouble.”

“I assume they have no idea you do that yourself.”

This time you managed to punch his arm. “Hey!”

“I was kidding. Everything’s gonna be fine, don’t worry.”

But after only a few seconds Alejandro came to a sudden halt and you noticed that he was watching the building he lived in with a serious look on his face. “What is it?” you asked while you followed his gaze.

“The lights are on,” he stated calmly before turning to you. “Go to a café or a bar where people can see you until I find out what’s going on.”

“Okay, be careful.”

You didn’t even think about questioning his order. If he thought being in a public place was the safest for you then you were willing to go and find such a place without hesitation. There was a café you knew quite well by now two blocks away and it was usually open this late in the evening. So this is where you went, with your phone in your hand, impatiently waiting for his call.

The barista recognized you from a few days ago and welcomed you with a warm smile before suggesting a drink. You didn’t really listen, only nodded and paid for it automatically then looked for an empty table. The phone was on the table in front of you, unlocked, and you were watching the screen as if this alone was enough to make it ring.

But it took Alejandro a good ten minutes to call you. Ten minutes that felt like an eternity. “Finally! Is everything okay?” you asked worriedly.

“Yes, it was Matt. You can come here.”

A few moments passed in silence while you tried to figure out what to say. You wanted to be diplomatic but you couldn’t be. Although with Matt it was everything but unusual. “Until I get there please tell him he can go fuck himself for scaring me.”

“Will do,” he replied with a short laugh.

“No, you won’t. I’ll be there in a few.”

“We’ll be here.”

You could’ve known it was Matt. Even though you were in Colombia and Alejandro was well known by the cartels, that son of a bitch was still more likely to be involved in some crazy creepy shit like this. As you got closer to the apartment building, you realized the fact he was in Bogotá meant something was wrong. Question is: did he come for Alejandro or did he know he was supposed to look for you here? Either way, you knew this conversation wouldn’t be the highlight of your little trip.

When you stepped inside the apartment, you quickly found your boss who was sitting on the couch with a stupid smile on his face. “I knew the whole story about visiting your family was bullshit,” he said as a welcome.

“No, I’m visiting them next week,” you informed him as you sat on the armrest of the chair Alejandro occupied across from Matt. “Although I assume the fact you’re here means vacation’s over.”

“That’s right. Pack your things, we’re leaving tonight.”

“That’s something we should talk about.”

“Why?” Matt asked curiously with slightly raised eyebrows.

Before you could answer the question, though, Alejandro raised a hand and looked over at you. “Now is not the time,” he told you quietly.

There had to be a reason why he didn’t want you to continue and, knowing him, it was probably serious. Nodding, you said, “Alright, fine, we’ll talk about it some other time.”

“No, no, no, I’d like to know what it was all about.”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Matt opened his mouth to object but you ignored him and turned to Alejandro. “Are you coming with us?”

Without missing a beat, your boss answered your question. “Yes, we need him.”

“Alright, I’ll go pack my stuff then.”

You haven’t even left the living room when you heard Matt ask, “Shouldn’t you do the same?”

There was no response but you heard footsteps following you to the bedroom. You didn’t slow down, you didn’t turn back to look at him, you just wanted to get away from your boss as soon as you could. Once the door closed behind you, Alejandro took your hand and pull you close to him, sweeping a strand of hair behind your ear as he watched you.

This silence was killing you but you didn’t want to rush him. Now that you were alone you could take a good look at him and you knew something was bothering him. There was something about this mission that sent his mind into overdrive. “Why did you stop me?” you asked in the end.

“He told me what it’s all about. We’re going after Carlos Reyes,” he explained, and the moment you opened your mouth, he nodded, confirming it was _that_ Carlos Reyes. “I have a feeling we’ll need you and if you said no, I don’t think he could find another doctor right away.”

“But when we’re done, I’ll tell him.” A small smile appeared on his lips before he pulled you into a tight hug and kissed the top of your head. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even act differently, but you could still tell from this hug that the thought of Reyes and the memories connected to him were slowly getting to him. “I still have no idea what I’m gonna do here, though,” you noted out of the blue, hoping you could avert his thought for a little while.


	6. One More Problem

“Well, well, well, Mr. Unnamed DEA agent #1, you look good,” you said with a short laugh when you stopped in front of Alejandro. “Really, really good.”

He looked down at you, watching as your fingers absentmindedly stroked his tie. “Oh, I know this look,” he suddenly noted, keeping his voice quiet so no one would hear it. “What is it now?”

For a few seconds, you remained silent and took a cautious look around, but once you made sure the others were out of earshot, you said, “You know, sometimes when I see you dressed like this I remember you used to be a prosecutor and it just makes my mind go all _step on me, sir_.”

“Okay, I get it,” Alejandro told you, swiping a strand of hair behind your ear with a laugh. “But we don’t have time for that, we need to talk to the girl. Ready?”

“Only if you promise to go on a coffee break after that. And when I say coffee break,” you added with a playful smirk.

Once he let out a sigh, Alejandro nodded and kissed your forehead. “You’re unbelievable, darling.”

“And this is why I always get what I want.”

The two of you made your way up the stairs to the room the girl was placed in, quickly going through the plan once again. You will sit down across from her–staying by his side the whole time–and after he briefly talks to her, you’ll check if she’s okay from a medical point of view. From that point on Alicia would keep an eye on her.

It was a piece of cake.

When you first laid your eyes on her, all you saw was a scared and confused girl, who was probably still trying to process being kidnapped then saved. This was one of the few occasions when you didn’t really agree with the overall plan. She was just a kid who probably knew nothing about her father’s business.

But something told you that you weren’t the only one. Even though Alejandro never mentioned it, you could see that he was having quite a hard time acting like it was just a normal job. If you had to guess, you would’ve said it was about his daughter. As you looked at him, you began to wonder where this would lead. It could either help or destroy everything.

“What do you want us to call you?” Alejandro asked while he placed his phone on the coffee table to record the conversation.

“Isabel.”

“Isabel,” he repeated then kept a short pause. “I need to ask you a question.”

The girl looked at him, alarmed. It wasn’t surprising considering the situation she was in but you still felt bad for her. Suddenly her eyes fell on you as if she was asking you if she had anything to be afraid of or worry about. Without hesitation, you flashed a supportive smile at her which made Isabel visibly relax.

Alejandro cleared his throat to get her attention. “Did they hurt you?” While you had already known the answer to this question, you still tried to keep a concerned look on your face. After Isabel shook her head, he went on. “What happened here?”

She touched her left cheek then said, “I got into a fight in school.” Alejandro kept a straight face but you couldn’t help but smile at this. You began to like this girl. “So when do I get to go back home?”

“Well, we still need to work through some things to make sure we understand all the circumstances surrounding your abduction, okay? But you’re safe.” She gave him an expectant look because she clearly wanted a proper answer. “So hang in there, we’re gonna get you home very soon. Look, I have to go now, but Y/N will stay here for a few more minutes, then Alicia will look after you. And if you need anything, just ask her.”

He nailed his role. If you hadn’t known any better, you would have believed he was a real DEA agent. For an outsider, he looked and sounded like as if he cared about the girl but at the same time it was also obvious that he was only doing his job. For now, everything went according to plan so all you had to do was playing your part.

With a supportive smile, you began to question her, asking her once again if “they” had hurt her to make sure she wasn’t hiding something only because the agent was a man. When she said no, you moved on to much lighter questions, like intolerances, allergies, medications she had to take. But this was more than enough for now so you said goodbye and reminded her that Alicia was there to help.

In the afternoon the boys left for a meeting but once they returned you began to prepare for the trip to Mexico. It was time for the girl to go home. But something just didn’t feel right, you felt uneasy and struggled to do a simple task like putting on your bulletproof vest. It didn’t go unnoticed by the others but Alejandro was the only one who acknowledged it.

“Let me help,” he said once he stopped next to you. But even though he tried to help, you pushed his hand away, insisting you were okay. “Y/N, what’s wrong? You can tell me.”

Finally, you gave in and let him take care of the straps of the vest. It all felt stupid now and you wondered if you should tell him what was on your mind. But a part of you knew he truly wanted to know so you took a deep breath and said, “I have a bad feeling about this. I don’t know why but I just can’t shake it off,” you added quietly.

“There’s nothing to worry about. We’ll soon finish our work here and then we can go back to Bogotá.” When you didn’t answer, he slowly shook his head and gave you a quick kiss. “Just stay in the car and everything’s gonna be okay.”

As it turned out, Alejandro had been right. Staying in the car was the wisest thing to do while the others took care of the ones who ambushed you. It was a nightmare. It was a fucking nightmare. By the time you got out of the Humvee, Matt had already checked if everyone was okay, and you also knew by then that the girl was missing. Not like she could’ve gone far on foot.

“What the hell was that?” you asked angrily once you got close to the usual trio.

“An ambush,” Matt replied without hesitation.

You opened your mouth but before saying anything you took a deep breath. You tried. You really did try to calm down but it didn’t work. “No shit, Sherlock.” He gave you a disapproving look but remained silent. “What about the girl?”

“I’ll go get her,” Alejandro informed you. “It won’t take long. Once we reach the border, I’ll send the signal and you’ll pick me up.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Matt nod in the background. “This is so fucked up,” you muttered under your breath.

“Just stay in the car on the way back and do as Matt or Steve says, okay?” Alejandro told you as he adjusted the strap of his weapon. “I’ll be back soon.”

Under different circumstances, you would have probably hugged and kissed him but this wasn’t the right time for that. Matt was growing impatient and ordered everyone to get in the car so you could leave as soon as possible. As you flashed a small smile at the sicario, you quickly squeezed his hand then headed to the car your boss was in along with a member of the team who had been shot.

You didn’t say a word, only focused on the wound you had to patch up in a moving car which wasn’t exactly an easy task. Of course, after all this time, you were used to the unusual working environments but it only put more pressure on you because they made it easier to make a mistake. And here even a simple little mistake could lead to someone’s death.

Once you were done you began to gather the equipment you used and said, “I’ll check it again when we get back to the base but you’ll be fine.”

Even though the conversation the others had in the front was more of a background noise, you still paid attention just enough to know some police cars were after you. This mission was now one monumental screw-up and you had a feeling Matt’s boss–hell, the fucking US government–wouldn’t be happy about how things went down.

And this feeling grew even stronger when Matt began to shoot at the police cars. There was no way in hell you could get away with this. Attacking cartels or other criminals was one thing, but this was the Mexican police. It didn’t matter who’s side they were on or who shot first, they were off limits. This was like rule number one.

When the convoy finally reached the base, you let out a relieved sigh. You were safe now. But Alejandro wasn’t and the thought made you anxious again. After you got out of the car you hurried after Matt and Steve who were trying to clean their wounds on their own. Times like this you wondered why they even kept you around. When you got closer you heard Steve tell Matt that the wound on his arm would need stitches to which that idiot said it would still need them the next day.

“Stop what you’re doing, I’ll quickly stitch it for you,” you told your boss the moment you stopped next to him. “I don’t want it to get infected.” He opened his mouth to object but you immediately interrupted him. “Doctor’s orders. And you’re next,” you informed Steve.

But before you could do anything Steve cleared his throat and said, “Miss Sunshine on your six.”

Matt took a deep breath then forced a fake smile on his face. “Hi. Fucking Mondays, huh?” he asked with a laugh.

Cynthia wasn’t exactly happy to hear his joke, though. “Can we go somewhere that’s private?”

“All right. Can you give me a sec?” he asked as he lifted his injured arm then began to bandage it.

For a brief moment, you and Steve exchanged looks then you both turned to look at Matt. He didn’t look worried, maybe just a little more tense than usual. Knowing how good he was at convincing people that he knew what he was doing and he was right, you assumed getting Cynthia to calm down would be an easy task for him. The two of them walked away and you cleared your throat as you watched them.

Once they were out of sight, you turned back to Steve and pointed at the wound on his temple. “Let me take care of that while we wait.”

Neither of you spoke but you didn’t have to. After working together for so long you both knew what the other was thinking about. Matt was the master of bullshitting his way out of trouble but maybe this time it wouldn’t be enough. And, considering Alejandro was still out there with that girl and they were on their own, this possibility made you feel like throwing up.

“Great, you’re alone,” Matt suddenly spoke up behind you. “Y/N, stitch up my arm so Cynthia won’t come over to ask us what we’re up to.” While you nodded and did as you were told, Steve gave your boss a questioning look. At first, it seemed like he wasn’t about to answer but then he let out a troubled sigh. “Those fucking morons in Washington are freaking out over what happened today. According to Cynthia, we’re shut down.

“Shit,” Steve mumbled under his breath. “What’s gonna happen now?”

“We’ll have a video conference with the Secretary of Defense later today and after that… I don’t know. If I had to guess I’d say we’ll have to clean up this mess,” he admitted.

You took a deep breath and tried to steady your breathing. Sure, you wanted to leave so the team being shut down wasn’t that bad for you but there was one thing that bothered you. “What about Alejandro and the Reyes girl?”

Shrugging, he said, “Everything goes according to plan for now. I’m sure they’ll soon reach the border and we won’t be forced to do something… radical.” You gave him a questioning look but he shook his head in response. “Don’t worry about it.”

“It’s hard not to worry when you tell me not to worry.”

“Listen, I want him to be fine just as much as you do so when I say don’t worry, I mean it,” he tried to convince you and you could tell this time he really meant it.

No wonder, though. Those two had been working together for almost a decade and sometimes you had a feeling they were actually friends in their own way. So you nodded and tried to accept that Matt’s best interest regarding Alejandro overlapped yours.


	7. Goodbye

Out of nowhere someone grabbed your arm and began to pull you away from the staff member you were talking to. You soon noticed it was Matt and based on the look on his face whatever he wanted to talk about was serious. Steve had already mentioned the order they received about cutting ties with Alejandro so you assumed it would be about that.

Once you entered an empty room and he made sure no one was listening, Matt spoke up. “I talked to Alejandro and told him about the order. He’s on his own, I can’t protect him anymore.” He kept a short pause while he let out a frustrated sigh. “Do you want to talk to him? This would be your last chance before–”

“You’ll listen to my phone calls and monitor every message I send from now on, right?”

Matt nodded. “You’re his girlfriend so you might be able to lead us to him. Unless, of course,” he added before he stopped and gave you a meaningful look instead of finishing the sentence. “Give him a warning, Y/N. And say goodbye.”

You took the phone and the piece of paper with the number on it from him then sank to the floor to make the call. Just when you thought Matt would eventually stay there with you, he cleared his throat and left. It took quite long for Alejandro to answer the phone and you were beginning to think he would ignore it, after all, he and Matt had already discussed everything.

“Did you forge–”

“It’s me,” you interrupted him, biting on your lower lip to stop yourself from crying. “Matt told me what happened and he wanted me to talk to you one last time.”

You heard him draw in a deep breath on the other end of the line. “They will try to track me down through you as well,” he stated quietly. “I’m sorry they dragged you into this.”

“Hey, don’t worry about this now. Just promise me you’ll stay safe. If anyone can get away from them it’s you,” you added, a smile appearing on your lips.

“I’ll contact you as soon as I can.”

“Then we’ll find a way I can go after you.” Alejandro remained silent but you heard him let out a troubled sigh. “I’m serious. I don’t want to lose you. If it means I’ll have to stay under the radar for the rest of my life, so be it. I’m ready and it’s worth it.”

Once again silence followed your words and you began to wonder what it meant. Could it be that he didn’t want you to go after him? If so, why? Did he simply not want to put you in danger or could it mean that he didn’t love you enough? Then again, you reminded yourself, he had taken off his wedding ring for you. That was a huge thing.

“Alright, fine. Pay attention to every little detail, Y/N,” he told you eventually. “I won’t call you myself but you’ll know when I’m the one behind it.”

“Noted.” A short pause followed your words before you spoke up again, trying to fight back your tears. “Hey, be careful out there. And I love you.”

“I love you too.” You heard someone speak in the background before he went on. “Look, I have to go now, but I’ll contact you the moment I can, okay?”

You nodded, even though you knew he couldn’t see it. “I’ll be waiting,” you said quietly.

He ended the call and for several minutes you stayed where you were, staring at a random spot ahead of you. Even though Alejandro promised to contact you, you knew it was a promise he couldn’t guarantee to keep. You had a really bad feeling about the whole thing and no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t get the idea out of your head.

“You okay?”

When you looked up, Steve flashed a small, understanding smile at you then sat down next to you. “What if he dies? What will I do if he dies, Steve?” you asked, feeling the tears already filling your eyes. “We were… I wanted to quit. I was planning to move to Colombia and start a new life with him. A life as normal as possible.”

Steve let out a heavy sigh and leaned the back of his head against the wall as he looked up at the ceiling of the hangar. They had no idea you were planning to do that. Of course, he and Matt both noticed how close the two of you were and even wondered over a beer where it could lead but neither of them expected this with Alejandro’s background. They both assumed it was a more casual relationship, after all, it was a well-known fact that he still lived his late wife. Well, the man was certainly good at keeping his secrets.

“Knowing him, he’s gonna be fine. And I have a feeling Matt will do everything he can to buy him some time without Cynthia noticing,” he assured you.

It wasn’t even a lie since he knew his boss well enough to see how upset he was about the situation. Matt and Alejandro were–in their own, unique way–good friends. This is probably why he let you call him to say goodbye, and also why he decided to keep you safe, no matter what happens in the following days.

Suddenly you handed him the phone and left. You needed space, just a few minutes to get away from everyone who was involved in this. They were effective, so unless Matt figured out a way to save Alejandro, he was doomed and you knew that. The thought of losing him was suffocating. You wished it wasn’t true, you wished you were only a pessimist. But at the bottom of your heart, you knew Alejandro would be dead in a matter of hours and there was nothing you could do about it.

And just as you thought, a few hours later one of the guys in the control room spoke up. “Signal was activated at 19:39, heading northeast of Reynosa.”

You looked at Steve, then you both turned to look at Matt. This was probably the first time you saw him having trouble keeping his emotions under control. All his movements screamed of anxiety and you weren’t the only ones who noticed it.

“I’m sending another team to finish this,” Cynthia told him.

But Matt only shook his head. “No. I’ll do it. ‘Cause if I don’t, he’ll probably come and kill you.”

With that he left the room and Steve began to follow him without thinking, putting his hand on the small of your back to make sure you weren’t staying behind either. You were glad he was so thoughtful because knowing that woman you were sure she would have made some comments about the situation. Comments you probably would have reacted to by making a scene in front of everyone.

While the team got ready to move out, you sat on the ground outside with your back resting against the metal wall of the hangar. When you closed your eyes and took a deep breath, you thought about your last day in Bogotá: the romantic dinner at the restaurant which was carefully hidden so only the locals would know of its existence, the best cup of coffee you had ever tasted on the way home and–Home. You let out a short, desperate laugh at the thought. You were already thinking about his apartment as _home_.

But it wasn’t your home. And based on how things were going it wasn’t about to become your home in the future either. That apartment was already gone, and its memory was nothing more but a painful reminder of what you couldn’t have anymore. Just when he decided to finally start a new life, they had to take him away from you. It wasn’t fair. Especially not the way it was happening.

“I’ll send you a text to let you know what happened, okay?”

You looked up and saw Matt standing there, looking down at you with an almost apologetic expression on his face. “Yeah, thanks,” you replied quietly.

The hours following their departure passed painfully slowly. You could have sworn you had seen Cynthia and Alicia checking on you every now and then but you weren’t sure and you didn’t even care to be honest. There was only one thing you truly cared about and that was your phone. The phone and the text Matt had promised to send you.

And then your phone finally beeped. It was a short message so you didn’t even have to unlock the device to read the whole thing.

_“I’m sorry.”_

This was all it said and it was more than enough for now. He was gone. He was really gone. While you had already known this was how this chase would end, the reality of losing Alejandro only began to crush you right then. You couldn’t even tell yourself he was safe and alive, hiding somewhere so the CIA wouldn’t find him. He was dead. But at least thanks to Matt you could say goodbye and you could also tell him you loved him. Not like that could make you feel any better.

At one point, before the team returned, you decided to leave. You had to get away from that hangar and the people inside, especially Cynthia. You needed something to help you forget but you knew in this situation alcohol itself wouldn’t cut it. You needed something else, something stronger. Well, so much for being clean, but what did you have to lose? Alejandro was gone and you weren’t planning to stick around so Matt or Cynthia would definitely make sure your medical license would be gone for good.

The least you could do was trying to forget. With your leather jacket and bag in hand, you began to walk out of the building but someone called after you. “Where are you going, doctor?”

You stopped, your back still to her as you took a deep breath. There's usually a filter between a person’s brain and mouth and you really needed to use it right now. Then again, you wanted to quit anyway. So why not telling Cynthia what you really thought about this situation?

“My boyfriend’s probably dead by now,” you told her eventually as you turned around to face her, deliberately making it sound like you didn’t know for sure. “I'm gonna get something to drink.”

She raised a finger and shook her head in response. “Not until they get back. Once you say they're all okay, you can go.”

“I quit. Find someone else to patch them up if they need it.”


	8. Mistakes

After the team returned, Cynthia told Matt that you had left but she had absolutely no idea where you went and she didn’t even care. He wasn’t surprised to hear this so he decided to go back to the motel to quickly check if you were there or not. He owed this much to Alejandro and something told him he would probably want him to look after you now that he was gone. He also felt guilty for letting him go after the girl after all if he had stayed with the team he would still be around.

In the end, he found you in the motel although he was everything but happy to see you being high as fuck on your own. The two of you got into a fight, one thing followed another, and somehow you ended up in bed together.

“I’m an asshole,” Matt noted with a tired grunt as he sat on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his palm a few hours later.

With your head still buried in the pillow, you said, “No arguments here.” A few seconds passed until your brain suddenly began to process his words and you realized you had no idea what he was talking about. “Wait, why?” you asked as you looked at him.

He let out an almost desperate laugh before turning to you. After all this time he kind of expected you to know it without help. “Because of what happened this morning,” he told you eventually. But sleeping with you was only one part of the problem. The other was something he would probably never tell you: he liked it. Hell, he loved every second of it.

When you finally remembered what had happened between you, you bit on your lower lip and let out a thoughtful hum. “I know exactly what I’m like when I’m high so it’s not your fault.” It wasn’t a lie, you had more than enough experience with that to know you could be very persuasive when you wanted something.

“Yeah, but I was sober,” Matt pointed out before putting on his shirt. “I should have said no.”

“Well, it’s too late to change that. Stop worrying and let’s forget it even happened,” you told him with a small, supportive smile. Not like you had any chance of forgetting about cheating on Alejandro. Sure, he was now dead, but it still felt like you had betrayed him. And you did. And you truly hated yourself for it. “We don’t have much choice,” you added quietly.

Matt clearly didn’t hear you say that because he stood up and walked over to the window. “He was shot in the head. We saw the whole thing, it was… I have a feeling I’ll have nightmares about it.”

“At least it wasn’t you who killed him.” Silence fell between the two of you while you sat up and pulled your knees to your chest. “I’m glad I didn’t have to see it. I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you.”

“As I said, I’ll have nightmares,” he answered. When he turned around to look at you and noticed the confused expression on your face, he flashed a sad smile at you before saying, “I bet you thought things like this don’t affect me. But they do and I hate this. Actually, I had a nightmare now too, this is why I woke up in the first place.”

This was probably the first time you saw Matt be this vulnerable. He was clearly suffering just as much as you were and it made you feel really bad for him. Letting out a sigh, you climbed out of bed and went over to him to pull him into a hug. At first, his body froze from the surprise but then he wrapped his arms around you and visibly relaxed.

After a short while, he let you go and took a step back to build some safe distance. “I should go now. Try to get some sleep, okay?” With that he began to walk out of the room but stopped before his fingers could touch the doorknob. “You were right, we have to forget what happened.”

Not like it was that easy, at least not for Matt. While he felt guilty about betraying his friend like that, he still couldn’t stop thinking about you. A long time ago he had told you one day you would be begging him to fuck you and that’s exactly what happened earlier that day. Sure, you were very, very high, but he still liked it.

Long story short, he was a fucking asshole.

Matt had to take care of a few things before the team left so even though he was worried about leaving you alone for hours, he still returned to the hangar. Unlike the others, Steve immediately noticed that something was wrong and he also knew it most probably had something to do with you. Since they were surrounded by people most of the time, he kept his mouth shut for now, but the moment they could be alone for a while, he brought up the topic.

“How bad is it?” he asked as he sat on top of a table and rested his elbows on his thighs.

Letting out a sigh, Matt put his hands on the back of his neck. “Bad but I went through her things and took every drug she had bought. I’ll check on her before I leave to make sure things didn’t get worse.”

“You think she’ll be okay on her own? I can stick around for a few more days to keep an eye on her,” Steve offered.

“No, I think it was a one-time thing. She had learned her lesson around the time I recruited her.”

Steve shook his head and gave him a doubtful look. If Matt truly believed he had recruited her, then they remembered what happened very, very differently. “You mean when you blackmailed her into joining us?”

“I only gave her an opportunity to do something good,” Matt pointed out with a shrug.

For a moment he wondered if he should comment on it but in the end, he decided to just let it go. “Anyway, wanna go grab a drink before going home? After today I think I’ll need it.”

“Thanks but I’ll pass. I’ll quickly check on Y/N then try to get some sleep.”

Steve nodded, said goodbye, and left. He didn’t want to stick around for longer than expected because he was worried he would accidentally let Matt know that he knew he was lying–or at least hiding something important. A part of him wanted to know what it was while another told him to forget about it. Maybe it was for the best if he stayed out of whatever happened. If he had to know about it, Matt would tell him.

***

Not long after Matt left you began to lose your patience. Each passing minute became more and more unbearable, your brain was in overdrive and you knew only drugs could possibly help you in this situation. But Matt had thoroughly searched your motel room and took everything you had left with him to make sure you stayed clean.

As if that was enough to stop you. Now that you knew who to look for it probably wouldn’t take long to get some more, you just had to be smart about it. So you went to the motel’s office to use their phone instead of your own in case they were still listening to your calls and contacted the dealer who promised to bring what you wanted in about half an hour. Talk about customer experience.

You had been right, and apparently the drugs could help with the misery that was suffocating you. You were miserable because of the pain you felt after losing Alejandro, the guilt because you slept with Matt shortly after his death, the fear caused by having no idea what would happen now, and the disgust you felt because you actually liked what happened between you and your boss.

Could this be the rock bottom? It had to be. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t imagine things getting any worse than this. You once again became that shitty person you’d been before Matt dragged you into this. You were an excellent doctor, strangely that didn’t really change because of drugs, but they surely destroyed your relationships. All of them. But maybe under these circumstances, this was for the best. Being alone could maybe help you figure out what to do now.

The drugs had barely kicked in when there was a sudden, loud knock on your door. At first, you wanted to ignore it but soon you heard Matt threatening to kick in the door to get inside. Rolling your eyes, you eventually stood up and let him in, mostly because the last thing you wanted was him making a scene. But before you could say anything, he grabbed your chin and you knew perfectly well what he was doing: he took a closer look at your eyes because he noticed your delated pupils.

“I leave you alone for three hours and this is what happens?” he asked furiously once the door closed behind you. “Where the fuck did you get this shit anyway? I went through your things to make sure you didn’t have any drugs left.”

You had no reason to lie anymore, after all, you had already quit your job. The two of you were nothing more but two adults having a fight. So you shrugged and sat on the edge of the bed with one leg pulled up. “I have my sources.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Matt ran a hand through his hair as he began to pace back and forth in the room. This was much worse than he had expected and Steve was right, they couldn’t just leave you alone now. “Alright, you know what? I don’t care that this mission is over, we’ll stick around and I’ll keep you under close surveillance for the next few days.”

“Seriously?” you asked after letting out an annoyed growl. “I’m an adult and if I wanna get high, I’ll fucking do it and you can’t stop me!”

“I can,” he replied casually then began to go through your things once again. Without hesitation, you jumped up and rushed over to stop him, but Matt simply pushed you away. “Do you think this is what he would want? Do you really think Alejandro wouldn’t try to make sure you stay clean?”

And with that comment, he crossed a line. Even though he quickly realized he had made a mistake, you slapped him before he could apologize. “Don’t you dare bring him up again!”

Long seconds passed in uncomfortable silence and it didn’t seem like either of you would speak up in the near future. While he clearly wanted to continue his search for drugs, Matt decided to wait a little and hope you would calm down just enough to agree to it. You on the other hand were waiting for him to finally leave your room without a fight.

Suddenly your phone began to ring and you rose your eyebrows when you looked at the called ID. It was a number you didn’t know, but apparently Matt assumed you did so he said, “Put it on speaker.”

“Are you kidding me?”

When he gave you a serious look, you let out a sigh and did as he said.


	9. Coded Message

“Yes?”

“Good evening, I am looking for Ms. Y/N.”

“That’s me.”

“My name is Jeremy Hills and I am calling from Beach Resort at South Padre Island. You were supposed to check in this afternoon and I can’t see any signs of your reservation being canceled,” the man said and Matt immediately gave you a suspicious look. “I tried to call Mr. Gillick, but he didn’t answer his phone. Can we expect you later today or maybe tomorrow?

While you tried to hide your surprise, you remained silent and thought about this strange call. You knew absolutely nothing about this hotel reservation, but who knew, maybe Alejandro had been planning something behind your back. After all, this was supposed to be your last job with the team before leaving for good.

His things, along with the phone he used with you and the others, were already in a corner of your room since they believed you deserved to have them as his girlfriend. Maybe you could find something about this in that once Matt left. Az outgoing call, a note, an email, a calendar event, anything that could help you figure out what was going on.

“Oh, I’m sorry but there was a–” You fell silent the moment you realized something: they knew _your_ number too, not only Alejandro’s. Why did he give it to them in the first place, especially if this was supposed to be a surprise? There had to be a reason. “You know what? Don’t cancel it, I’ll be there tomorrow. The only change is that I’m going alone.”

“I see. Thank you, Ms. Y/N, have a good evening.”

Once the call ended, you tossed your phone on the bed and buried your face in your hands. You had to get rid of Matt as soon as possible. But how? He seemed really serious about keeping an eye on you and with him around there was no way you could start an investigation.

“South Padre Island?” You glanced up at Matt who was watching you with the same suspicious look you’d seen during the call as well. You shrugged instead of giving an actual answer but he clearly wasn’t very fond of it. “Explain, Y/N.”

Well, it was time for some improv. If you could be convincing enough, he would hopefully leave you alone. “While we were in Bogotá, we agreed that I would quit and move there to live with him. I wanted to tell you when you showed up but Alejandro stopped me.” You had to stop for a moment when you remembered what happened that night, but then you cleared your throat and went on. “He knew you needed a doctor on the team so I was planning to tell you about it after the mission instead. Once we saw that things were going according to plan, he told me when we could probably leave so while you boys were doing your jobs, I was busy finding a nice place to stay for a few days not far from base.”

“And you want me to believe that?”

“Ask Steve. I told him about my plan to quit and move to Colombia.”

Matt let out an irritated groan as he folded his arms and leaned against the wall. Normally he could tell if someone was lying right away but this time it didn’t matter how long he was watching you he just simply couldn’t decide if this explanation was true or not. It was odd, after all, you had been like an open book before. And now… He really fucked things up because clearly, his emotions clouded his judgment at the moment.

But even though he didn’t know what to think about this suspicious phone call, he knew one thing for sure and he wasn’t hesitating to say it. “You can’t go there.”

“Excuse me? Why?”

“You know perfectly well why. I already told you that we will stay here for a few more days to make sure you’re clean,” he explained as he gave you a serious look.

“I can go wherever the fuck I want, Matt.” When he opened his mouth to object, you picked up the key of the room and threw it at him. “I’m done with this, you’re not my boss anymore.”

“Alejandro was my friend, the least I can do is keeping you safe.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at this. At first you didn’t even know what to say but then you began to clap your hands and said, “Oh, what an amazing friend you are! You fucked his girlfriend hours after his death! You’re only trying to do something good to make yourself feel better about what happened,” you pointed out angrily.

“That was a mistake.”

“Just leave me alone.”

Finally, Matt gave in and nodded. “Fine, do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care. If you want to kill yourself, go ahead, I won’t stop you,” he told you before storming out of the room. 

You couldn’t really sleep that night but it had absolutely nothing to do with the cocaine you’d taken earlier or your fight with Matt. No, it was because you now knew perfectly well what that phone call was really about. There was no reservation, you never even talked about spending the weekend at such a place, not to mention the last time you talked on the phone, Alejandro warned you he wouldn’t be the one to call you.

And that could only mean one thing: he was alive. He was alive, even though Matt saw him being shot in the head. But you were a doctor, you knew it was possible to survive such an injury, he just had to be very, very lucky.

The next morning you woke up early, hoping this way you could avoid meeting anyone from the team before you left to rent a car. The trip to the hotel didn’t take too long, but in the state of mind you were in it still felt like an eternity. You didn’t even know what to say once you were face to face with him. Should you tell him what happened? Or would it be better if you kept it a secret? The more you thought about this, the harder it became to choose the best approach.

By the time you made it to the reception of the hotel, you somehow managed to force a smile on your lips. Careful not to be suspicious, you checked in as quickly as possible then headed to the room. You still didn’t know what to say and the pressure grew a lot stronger when you got out of the elevator on the right floor. Once you reached the door, your hands were shaking so badly that you simply couldn’t use the key card. But the door still opened and when you looked up, your eyes fell on Alejandro.

So you had been right and he was alive.

Even though you had a hard time trying to fight back your tears, you still waited until the door closed behind you before hugging him. “We thought you were dead,” you whispered with your face buried into his chest.

“So did I,” he noted quietly while he leaned back to flash a small smile at you. “Ap–”

Alejandro suddenly fell silent and let out a painful groan as he raised his hands to his cheeks. “What the hell happened to you? Wait, is this where they shot you?” He nodded and opened his mouth to answer but you quickly stopped him. “No, don’t talk. There has to be a notepad somewhere.”

You went straight to the small desk in the corner and picked up the notepad and the pen then gave it to him. In a matter of seconds, he gave it back to you. “ _Yes, but I found someone who could patch me up,_ ” he wrote.

“Can I see the wound?” After slowly removing the bandage, you couldn’t help but let out a disgusted groan. “God, whoever you found is a real butcher. This is gonna leave a scar.”

“ _I couldn’t call you so I was glad to find someone else who could help._ ”

You nodded, after all, he was right. It was still better than no help at all. And what if it would leave a scar? At least he was alive and it didn’t get any worse. Letting out a sigh, you pointed at the bed. “You need to get some rest.”

“ _I need to find out where to go now._ ”

“No! I’ll go buy you some clean clothes and a few things to clean your wounds with. You stay here and rest,” you said seriously before pointing at the bed. “Doctor’s orders.”

Even though you began to walk towards the door, you soon changed your mind and went back to him. You had to tell him the truth. It was like a band-aid, you just had to rip it off as quickly as possible.

“Actually, there’s something I need to tell you before I go and… well… there’s a chance you’ll tell me not to come back after that. Matt sent me a text when they found you. I thought I could take it but I couldn’t so I left to get some drugs. And while I was high, Matt came over to check on me… and… um… I slept with him. Since I know perfectly well what I’m like when I’m high I can’t even blame it on him. So… yeah. That’s what happened. If you don’t want me to come back here, just say–no, write it down.”

Long seconds passed in silence and you were sure he didn’t want you there anymore. Although as you took a closer look at him, he didn’t seem angry. Well, he was usually great at hiding his emotions so you never really knew but… this gave you hope. Maybe he could forgive you after all.


	10. Conditions

Once you cleaned Alejandro’s wounds, you gave him some sedative in hopes he would finally get a few hours of sleep. After what he had been through he needed to rest but so far he hasn’t shown any interest in doing anything other than figuring out what his next move should be. In a way he was right, he really needed a plan because he didn’t have the luxury of being spontaneous in this situation, but he should have focused on healing first.

But before he could fall asleep, someone banged their fist against the hotel room’s door. And this sound was soon followed by a way too familiar voice saying, “Come on, open the door!”

“I’ll talk to him,” you told Alejandro as you pushed him back on the bed.

Somewhere deep down you had expected Matt to figure out you were hiding something from him. He could act like an idiot sometimes but sadly he was everything but one. You could only hope he would be understanding enough to discuss this quickly then leave. After all, they all believed he was dead, why would he insist to kill him anyway? 

You barely opened the door when he said, “He’s alive and inside, isn’t he?”

“Matt, please, don’t do this,” you told him, keeping your voice down as you stepped out to the hallway to talk to him alone. Once you closed the door, you took a look around to make sure you were alone. “Isn’t he supposed to be your friend?”

For a moment he watched you in silence then he began to laugh. “You should know it doesn’t matter. I got clear orders. And let’s not forget that he knew perfectly well what he was getting himself into by going rogue,” Matt added angrily before pointing at the door.

“But you helped the girl in the end.”

“That was different.” When you stuffed your hands in your back pockets and leaned your back against the door, making it clear you wouldn’t let him in, he let out a long sigh and gave up the fight for now. “How could he survive that shot?”

“He got lucky. Look, I don’t really care about what whoever did this fucked up, all that matters to me is that he’s alive,” you pointed out.

“Is this the doctor or the girlfriend talking?”

“What does that supposed to mean?”

Matt shook his head and held up his hands. “Nothing.” He fell silent and began pacing back and forth in front of you. Now that you took a closer look at him you realized that he was nervous. The last time you’d seen him like this was back when you were waiting in the control room to hear from Alejandro. “So was it all a lie?” he asked eventually, snapping you out of your thoughts. “The story about you planning to quit?”

“No, it was true.”

“Alright,” he began slowly once he stopped pacing and stood right in front of you. “I’ll keep this to myself so the CIA will believe he’s dead but I have a few conditions.”

Conditions. Of course. He would never do something like this out of the goodness of his heart. What were you even expecting? But that didn’t matter now. “Which are?”

After a short pause, Matt folded his arms over his chest. “You’re coming back to the team.”

“I can’t leave yet! I have to make sure the wound heals properly without infection and–”

“I mean, you’re coming back when he’s better,” he corrected himself with a roll of his eyes. “But you can’t stay with him for long, got it?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Next, you can’t keep in touch with him.”

“I won’t say it will be easy, but fine. It’s probably better this way if I keep working with you anyway,” you admitted. “What else?”

Matt kept a dramatic pause while he gave you a serious look. “You do what I say, no questions asked. No defying me, no sass, no sarcasm, no more bullshit.”

“Okay. That’s it?”

“Just one more thing. Don’t even think about using drugs again. I’ll keep an eye on you because the last thing I need on my team is a fucking junkie.”

“Alright, I’ll do whatever you want if it means he can leave.”

“Good girl,” he noted with a barely visible smile. “I need to talk to him before I go.”

You nodded without hesitation. Now that you discussed his terms at least you could be sure he wouldn’t hurt him in any way. Alejandro was free to go and that was more than enough for you in this situation. “I’d rather him not talk because of the wound so he’s going to use a notepad.”

“Sure. I’ll be quick, I promise.” But before when you were just about to open the door, he said, “Y/N, wait. Did you tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“What happened between us.”

“I did.”

“Was he mad?”

“Honestly? I have no idea,” you replied with a shrug. “He seemed like he forgave me but who knows.”

“Do you think he’ll punch me in the face?”

“I gave him some sedative not long ago because I want him to get some rest so I don’t think so.”

“Good.”

And then Matt’s questions suddenly made sense. “Are you afraid of him?”

“Well, if I found out that my friend fucked my girlfriend when she was high on cocaine I’d be pretty mad,” he explained with a dry laugh and he massaged the back of his neck.

“He’s not like you or me.” As you let out a long sigh, you reached out to put a hand on his arm. “He can keep his emotions under control.”

“Thanks, that doesn’t make me feel any better. Alright, let’s get this over with.”

The two of you entered the room but when Alejandro noticed the other man behind you, he quickly sat up in bed and gave you a questioning look. “He wants to talk to you. But it’s okay, we made a deal and he won’t tell anyone about you being alive,” you quickly explained, even flashing a supportive smile at him.

“What deal?”

Shaking your head, you picked up the notepad from the nightstand and handed it to him. “I’ll tell you everything later. I’ll leave you guys alone.”

Matt didn’t miss the look you gave him on the way out of the room. It was a clear message: you would explain the details later, right now he should say what he wanted to say as fast as he could because Alejandro needed to rest. It was understandable, especially after seeing his friend with his own eyes. A part of him was relieved, even happy to see that he had survived that shot, but another still couldn’t forget about what he did to him the day before. Hopefully it wouldn’t come up in the conversation.

Once he took a deep breath, he cleared his throat. “You look like shit,” he noted with a nervous laugh. “But I heard you’ll live.” Alejandro nodded. “The girl is safe. I put her in witness protection.”

“ _Thanks_ ,” the sicario wrote on the notepad.

“The CIA believes you’re dead so you’ll have to disappear, at least for a while.”

“ _I know. What will happen to Y/N?_ ”

“Nothing,” Matt replied with a shrug. “She’s coming back to the team. But you can’t keep in touch with her.”

“ _Just keep her safe for me._ ”

Matt couldn’t help but smile at this. “I will. I promise. But I’d better leave now and let you get some rest or else Y/N will kill me. Good luck.”

This was for the best. Alejandro was alive and the CIA wasn’t looking for him so he could start a new life somewhere far from this place. And you would be safe too as a member of his team. Although he had a feeling when Alejandro asked him to keep you safe for him, this wasn’t exactly what he meant. Because now whenever he looked at you, all he could think about was the time you spent together and how he wished it would happen again. 


	11. Surprise visit

After you returned to the team, Matt promised never to bring up what had happened with Alejandro again. Officially he was dead and you were still mourning, but in reality, you were hoping he would suddenly show up. Sure, not keeping in touch was part of the deal but maybe you could find a way to hide somewhere even Matt couldn’t find you.

A part of you wished you could tell Steve the truth. He was the only one who could possibly help you focus on something else when you were on a mission. But it was out of the question so the best he could do for now was acting like the problem was Alejandro’s death. On the bright side, Steve was great company so things went back to normal pretty soon.

As time passed, you couldn’t help but notice how much Matt had changed when it came to you. The two of you barely fought over stupid things but you weren’t complaining. It was much easier to work this way and Steve was also glad he didn’t have to act like some sort of a lightning rod anymore.

And then, about a year after Alejandro left, you and Matt got close. Since Alejandro was always calm and collected, he made you feel the same way. But Matt was quite the opposite: he was unpredictable and passionate. Maybe you secretly craved this feeling, something that could – even if just temporarily – take your mind off your ex. He was there. He was available. It all worked like charm.

“You ruined my fun, though,” Matt informed you when you reached the motel the team was staying in.

“How so?” He wrapped an arm around your waist then gave you a meaningful look. Right, the thing he wanted to do with you for a while now. “Oh, just because I didn’t have sex with you on the jet?”

“For once we were alone. No one would have even suspected what we do in our free time.”

Seriously? Did he really say this? It made you laugh a little louder than you wanted which surprised him. “It’s not like you were even trying to keep this thing between us a secret,” you pointed out casually. It was true, though, the fact the two of you were together was an open secret no one talked about. Except for Steve, of course, because he loved to tease you about being the boss’ new favorite.

“I don’t have to. That’s the beauty of this job. Whatever happens here stays here.” Suddenly he moved to stand in front of you and make you come to a halt, and almost right away he put a hand on your neck and pulled you close for a kiss. “We have a little time until the briefing. Your room or mine?”

You glanced down at your suitcase and let out a thoughtful hum. “You go to your room and I’ll go to mine.”

“Come on, you can’t do this to me. First the jet, now this?”

“Matt, you sound like some horny teenager. You can’t be this desperate.”

“Oh, believe me, I am,” he said without thinking. “And I missed you. I really did.”

“See you at the briefing,” you told him with a smirk, then you patted his shoulder.

“I hate you.”

“I hate you too.”

Hate you had become your way of saying I love you along the way. Neither of you remembered how or why, but these words now came to your lips so naturally that you couldn’t even imagine saying it the normal way ever again. Maybe somewhere in the back of your mind it reminded you of the early days when the two of you couldn’t stand each other and shouting profanities was just a part of an average day in the office.

Matt left before the rest of the team to meet up with Steve and go through a few things before the briefing began. Since you had time, you decided to take a quick nap, after all, you had no idea if he would let you sleep that night or not. A sleepy doctor was definitely not a good doctor so sleep was essential in your case.

But you were woken up by the sound of someone meddling with the lock at the door. If it was someone from the motel staff, they would either ask first or have a key. If it was someone from the team, they would knock and ask you if you were in there. This left two other possible explanations and you hoped it would be the better one.

“Shit!” Without hesitation you picked up your phone, dialed Matt then ran into the bathroom. You couldn’t tell how long you had to wait, but when he finally picked up, you said, “Matt! Please tell me you’re the one who’s messing with the door.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked, genuinely confused about your call.

“Someone is trying to get inside my room.”

When he spoke up again, his voice was dead serious and you could tell by the background noises that he was getting ready to leave the briefing. “Where are you now?”

“I locked myself in the bathroom.”

“Good, stay there. I’m on my way.”

“Thank you.”

Only a few seconds after the call ended, you heard the door slowly open, and someone’s footsteps echo in the quiet room. There was no way Matt could get back in time, you had to do something. If you survived this, you would definitely ask Matt to give you a gun, even if you had been against it before. But now you needed a plan. What did you even have in the bathroom you could use against the intruder? The hairdryer?

But then the mysterious person spoke up and the voice was way too familiar. “Y/N, it’s me.”

There was no mistake, it was Alejandro’s voice. But how? What was he doing here all of sudden? And why did he have to scare the hell out of you? These were questions you could only get the answer to if you went back into the room to face him. It had been so long since you had last seen him. Would all of your feelings for him return the moment you laid eyes on him? Or would you be indifferent? Or would you simply faint from the shock?

In the end, you took a deep breath then let out the air from your lungs very slowly. It gave you a few more seconds to think. What should you even say to him? What did he look like? Well, knowing him, he would be in a suit. Shaking your head, you opened the door and walked out to him. “What are you doing here?” you asked maybe a little colder than intended.

“I wanted to see you.” Silence followed his words because you had no idea what to say to that. When he noticed the way you folded your arms around your back, something you usually did when you were nervous, Alejandro let out a sigh. “So you and Matt?”

The perfect question, right at the start. But you didn’t have to think much about the answer. “It’s nothing serious.”

“Yet he can’t really keep his hands off you.”

Was that… jealousy you heard in his voice? Whatever it was, it made you feel like shit right away. “I’m so sorry,” you apologized, “I had no idea you’d be back and–”

“How long has this been going on?” he asked, interrupting you.

“For about two months.”

“Does his wife know about this?”

“I don’t think so.” He was too good at this game for your liking. He knew perfectly well how to corner you so now you needed to find a way out. “Is this an interrogation?”

Maybe he now understood what your problem was because his posture changed and he seemed to back down a bit. After he cleared his throat, he shoved his hands in the pocket of his pants. “No, I’m just trying to understand what’s going on in your life,” he replied.

At that moment even you didn’t know what was going on in your own life. You were with someone else but comparing the two of them wouldn’t have been fair. You decided to avoid this topic as long as you could. “The wound on your cheek healed nicely.”

“Don’t change the topic.”

“What do you want from me?” you asked with a tired sigh.

“I came here to convince you to come with me.” If he had asked you this a year ago, you would have said yes, but now you didn’t really know what to say. You weren’t unsure about _him_ , you were unsure about leaving your current life behind in general. “Would you leave Matt?”

“Without hesitation,” you answered right away. Choosing Alejandro over Matt was an easy decision to make. Before you could explain what was going on in your mind, you both turned towards the door at the sound of someone running in your room’s direction. “This is probably him.”

Alejandro gave you a questioning look. “I thought he left.”

“I called him here. I didn’t know it was you who tried to come in.” This was probably the first time you saw him giving you an I-can’t-believe-it look. You almost felt honored that this usually calm man reacted this way in your presence. When Matt opened the door with his finger hovering above the trigger of the gun, you quickly stepped in front of him. “No, no, no, no, don’t shoot, it’s okay. It was only Alejandro.”

Very slowly, but he eventually let down his weapon and glanced at you for a second. When you nodded, he turned to look at his old friend. “I thought I made it clear you can’t contact her again,” he barked without a greeting. “So what are you doing here?”

“It’s been long enough. I believe it’s time for her to come home.”

“Home?” Matt didn’t even try to hide the fact he found this sentence kind of hilarious. “That’s an interesting choice of word in your case.”

You couldn’t let the situation escalate any further than this so you put a hand on his arm. “All right, that’s enough. Matt, put away the gun then let’s go outside to talk. Just you and me, okay?”

He was hesitating, trying to decide what to do. You couldn’t blame him, after all, you had been just as surprised as he was. But then he did as he was told and left the room without complaining. Once you joined him outside, you closed the door and leaned against the railing next to him. He was so worked up because of this whole mess that you began the doubt he would be able to cool down enough to have a normal conversation with you.

“Who the fuck does he think he is?” he asked angrily.

“Matt.”

“Did he really think he could just waltz in here and act like nothing had happened?”

Letting out a sigh, you put your hands on his cheeks to make him look at you. “Matty, please, listen to me. You need to calm down,” you told him quietly.

This seemed to work because he finally fell silent and cleared his throat as he looked down at you. You knew exactly what his reaction was all about and you didn’t like it at all. Matt had often been a bit possessive when it came to you ever since this relationship began. But luckily, he now seemed to understand it wasn’t the right way to act at the moment.

“I should put my ego aside this time, right?” Without saying a word, you simply nodded. “Are you okay?”

“I’m just confused. I mean, he showed up out of nowhere and I have no idea how to feel about it.”

“Would you like to go with him?”

“I said yes before you arrived but now… I don’t know. Things changed.”

He let out a long sigh and ran a hand through his hair, avoiding your gaze the whole time. It had been a long time since you last saw him looking so troubled which made it hard for you to figure out how you should behave or what you should say to him. “Well, I don’t want you to leave” Matt suddenly told you. “Just ask for some time to think and we’ll talk about it tomorrow morning before we head out, okay?”

“Okay.” You bit on your lower lip and thought about what you should do. He couldn’t stay here because you weren’t sure he wouldn’t hurt Alejandro in the end. “Now go back to the briefing,” you said eventually.

After he left, you stayed outside for a few more minutes. This was too much and you wished you could postpone the rest of this conversation. This whole mess gave you a headache and you had trouble breathing. But you knew what you wanted was impossible because you didn’t even know how long he was planning to stick around. It was a now or never situation so the best you could do was trying to calm down and head back inside to get it over with.

“You said you’d leave him without hesitation. It didn’t really seem like you would,” Alejandro told you the moment you set foot in the room.

He was right, you weren’t sure about that anymore. “I have to think about it. You’ve been gone for over a year, Alejandro. I know I still love you, don’t get me wrong, but something still doesn’t feel right.”

“I don’t want to force you to come with me. All you have to do is telling me to leave and I’ll leave.”

This was the Alejandro you had fallen in love with. So nice and understanding and always a gentleman when it came to you. But now… now you had another man on your mind, someone who was the opposite of him. “I’ll be honest, I don’t know what I want. But I’ll think about it while we’re here, I promise.” You saw a hurt look cross his eyes but he didn’t say anything, only nodded. “Don’t think that I don’t want to be with you again. My life is just… complicated now.”

“I never stopped thinking about you, but I had to wait for the right moment to contact you.”

“So you thought the right moment came when Matt and I… got together?”

Alejandro drew in a deep breath and you knew he was trying to calm himself down. Was he mad at you for saying this? Well, you probably didn’t sound very nice when you asked him this, but you had no choice. In the end, he shook his head and said, “He has a family. I know him, he would never leave them for you. Do me a favor and consider this too, okay?”

“Sure. How can I find you?”

“I left a number on the nightstand.” You looked over there and noticed a piece of paper that hadn’t been there before. Nodding, you cleared your throat. What should you do now? Hug him? Or just stand there? Suddenly Alejandro snapped you out of your thoughts when he said, “I love you, Y/N.”

You didn’t know what to say so you remained silent. After a few moments he understood that you wouldn’t say anything, so he nodded and left your motel room. Once the door closed behind him, you went to the bathroom and washed your face. The best you could do now was joining the others at the meeting. At least that would avert your thoughts for a little while.


End file.
